Eli jumps out from behind a laundry basket in the Art classroom.
Oh, hi, Mr. Minihan. Just doing a little sweeping?… No, I’m allowed to be here. (holding up camera) It’s for my article in the school paper. (proudly) I’m now “Eli Davis, cub reporter” for the Hilton Middle School Journal.
We have to take our own pictures. I asked the photography club what type to use and they told me a bunch of things. I don’t know what the F-stop is or what exposure it’s on, but I got the one with the flash; only $8.99 at Sav-On.
I volunteered to do a story on Melissa Hutchinson for the school paper. Who better than me? We have a history together. I sat behind her in the second grade. I spent the whole year smelling her hair. It smelled of bubble gum. After that, every time I went to Bendenelli’s candy store, I would think of her. Once, I dozed off at the base of the Hubba Bubba rack and they locked me in for the night.
She likes me too. I’m sure of it. Like when she laughed the time in fourth grade I said Salt Lake City was the capital of Uh-tah. Everyone else laughed and made fun of me for a while. Then they forgot about it when something more embarrassing happened. The most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you is to throw up in class. That’s what happened to Neil Dunn. But he threw up on me. So everyone started calling me “barf bag.” She said it sweeter than the others, though. She’s so sympathetic.
I caught chicken pox from her in the fifth grade. She was breaking out, so I immediately went over and rubbed my face in her scarf. I had them longer than anyone else. I kept scratching and scratching. I didn’t want them to go away.
I never thanked her for them. I could talk to her if I wanted to. I’ve done it a bunch of times. Just last week, I instant-messaged her. Well, I pretended to be her friend Jamie, but we had a great talk. She told me her hopes and dreams and I told her mine which probably explains why she’s been looking at Jamie ever since. Melissa said she wants to be a famous actress someday. So I thought I could use these photo to give it to my dad. He has a friend who makes those billboards on the street. They could put her up on one and she’d be famous.
It’s her birthday coming up, y’know. I bet it would be the best gift ever, much better than chicken pox. I bet she’d kiss me if she saw her picture up on a billboard.
Oh, I’ve been kissed before. I won a trip to the New York City premiere of “New York Minute” because I’m in the Olsen Twins Fan Club. I won a contest. I entered a hundred and forty-nine times. I got to meet Ashley in the lobby and she gave me a kiss. Or maybe it was Mary-Kate. I still can’t tell them apart.
It was a weird night because after that, I spent the rest of the night bent over looking at my shoes. It wasn’t a stomach ache, but it was from in that area. I talked to the doctor and he just laughed at me and said I’d talk about it in Health class, but I don’t want to talk about that area to everyone else.
Have you ever had that feeling, Mr. Minihan?… Phew, so it’s not just me. I began to get worried that I was dying. It would be so sad to not get a chance to say I love you to someone before you go. But I guess that means I have more time. Uh oh, here they come [goes hunched over again]…. Where are you going, Mr. Minihan?… Oh, you’re going to tell the principal that I’m doing an article for the paper. That’s nice of you. I’ll show it to her after I’m done. I hope I get some good pictures. I think the best shots would come from inside the laundry basket here.
Eli jumps inside the laundry basket and peeks his head out with clothes hanging off his head.