[For this week’s Substack, I’ve chosen a quick read for you. This poem was included in my first humor book and served as the last piece in the book, almost like an epilogue after the much funnier penultimate entry. It was my “Her Majesty,” so to speak, after the Beatles Abbey Road album had the big closing number with the guitar solos only to be followed by Paul’s quick little ditty. Written around the turn of the 21st Century would explain the reference to Jerry Springer. Perhaps you can relate to this as I’m sure we all have a “Lazy Lizzy” in our lives. Enjoy!]
Ah, the life of Lazy Lizzy,
A life of freedom and whimsy, of waking up at noon,
Of turning in at dusk, she never sees the moon.
Lazy Lizzy has her dreams and they will all come true.
She’ll become an equestrian, win a gold or two.
But first to learn to ride a horse
Will cut into her “Springer” time, of course.
She’ll be an idol for millions as a great concert maestro,
An actress, a chemist, or world-renown politico,
She’ll learn to “sit on the fence.”
And she’d be all of these if classes weren’t so intense.
But Lazy Lizzy lives the life, sitting on her couch
Too languid to cheer, too indolent to grouch
As her car collects tickets idling near the lawn,
She doesn’t care to move it, but musters up a yawn.
Those fitness shows she watches
Don’t put her in the mood.
To take the time to exercise
Or even chew her food.
With dirty laundry strewn about
And dishes in the sink,
She’s too listless to wash them
And too dull even to blink.
The hurricane outside doesn’t bother her at all
As the ceiling starts to crumble, walls begin to fall.
Now the rain pours down on her til she can hardly see
Ah, the life of Lazy Lizzy,
It’s not the life for me.